“What’s really bothering me lately is I’m in a stress cycle over anticipating what might go wrong during our wedding weekend and wanting to proactively jump in and plan for those things. What are some unexpected stress-points that we can be prepared for as much as possible?”
Here’s an odd sounding way to start this answer: Do yourselves a favor and plan right now to have something go not-according-to-the-plan. Expect to be caught off guard by something, and mentally prepare to brush it off in the moment so that you can be fully present and enjoy your day.
Survey 100 couples in the week after their wedding, and 97 of them will have multiple stories of things that went off the rails. The magic is in how you choose to react to the issue, combined with some ways that you can be proactive and prepared.
Now let’s move into the strategy side of the question, because there are no doubt some checklist oriented ways to prepare yourselves to bounce back from a set back here or there.
We touched on this a few times over the past couple of weeks, and I think the best way to prepare for the unexpected is to have a rock solid point-person / personal assistant / right-hand man or woman throughout your wedding weekend. This can be a professional, paid wedding coordinator or planner, I’ll use those terms interchangeably. It can be someone from your social circle who has no technical wedding experience, but is dependable, trustworthy, organized, and 100% willing to take on the responsibility.
I know that not everyone has an extra $3000 in the budget to hire a professional, and that’s fine. I personally asked the events & marketing manager from the high school my husband teaches at to be our coordinator, and she managed some very intense, tricky situations for us without batting an eye.
You have options. If you’ve got more money than time, hire a professional and call it a day. If you’re in the opposite camp with more time than money, then think closely about some people in your circle who you could approach and ask to take on this responsibility for you. You can even pay them for their time, do a trade for services, get creative.
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THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING COMFORTABLE ON YOUR WEDDING DAY
Next unplanned wedding day issue to prepare for is being comfortable. Don’t write this one off. Whether it’s a giant, heavy dress or hair in your face, or your shoes – your personal comfort for a potentially 16-hour wedding day is paramount. It’s really really hard to enjoy the moment when your feet are bleeding. Take steps to ensure you have back up shoes, a second dress to change into, make sure your hair is going to be out of your way. Prep a wedding day emergency kit with Advil, a small sewing kit, stain remover pen, electrolytes, tampons, antacid tabs, all of that.
HAVE A CLEAR PLAN AND DETAILED SHOT LIST FOR YOUR PHOTOGRAPHER
Let’s move to your photos, and the importance of having a clear plan and detailed shot list locked in with your photographer and videographer. This is likely one of the most expensive vendors you’ve invested in, for all the reasons we all know – but if you don’t actually capture all the important combinations of people, it’s a missed opportunity that you’ll feel for years to come. Initiate a conversation with your photographer and videographer about the important moments and combinations of people that you want captured. This is high on the list of regrets / unexpected issues for newlywed couples.
ONGOING, CONSISTENT VENDOR MANAGEMENT
Our next area for proactive management is your various vendors. If you’ve hired a professional coordinator, you’ve paid for peace of mind that your vendors will be managed for you (in theory, but you should still have a detailed and ongoing convo with your coordinator to understand if there are any areas you need to pay special attention to or put special plans in place for).
If you’re going the do it yourself route and leaning on friends & family for help with the ongoing logistics, then you’ll need to have a detailed, organized plan in place for regular touch-points with all of your vendors in the months and weeks leading up to wedding day. And scary to say, but that’s the easy part – where things get more complex and higher stakes is when we get into the 1-2 day range before your wedding day because this is when the high stakes issues are going to crop up (and also when you have the least bandwidth to be micromanaging people and putting out fires).
Back to the importance of your wedding day point person, they will be your front line of defense in confirming, following up, and being on call for last minute issues and questions. And like I said at the beginning of today’s show – there will be issues. Someone will be late, someone will get lost, someone will be locked out and unable to get onto the grounds to set up. So just prepare yourself for all of those things. The key here is that you have proactive plans in place to manage it when it does happen – so that hopefully you will be none the wiser on wedding day.
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GET ORGANIZED: WHAT NEEDS TO BE SET UP, WHERE, AND WHEN
Another common unexpected stress point is items that are forgotten, never set up, or left behind. Here are some examples – you bought $400 worth of champagne, but no one knows where the cases were put when you unloaded, so they never even get opened for your welcome toast. You have a very specific vision for how your table signs and centerpieces should be set up, but no one has a diagram or photo to follow, so it’s all just haphazardly set up by guesswork. You ordered custom place cards and holders, but they got left behind in your storage area in the garage because you forgot about them. I could go on and on. Do yourselves a favor, and follow this mini checklist:
- Take inventory of all your decor items that you’ve purchased, and make a detailed list
- Make a diagram / spatial map of exactly where and how everything should be set up
- Share the inventory list and set up instructions with anyone who will be helping you transport, move in, and set up the venue
This category is really easy to be prepared for, but it doesn’t just magically happen. If inventory and diagramming is not your thing, delegate it to someone who’s asking how they can help you. Take an hour on a Saturday to get organized, I promise it will be worth it.
MAKE A PLAN FOR SPEECHES
We’re winding down with a couple more unexpected stress points or missed opportunities, and let’s touch on the speeches. There are infinity number of ways to structure speeches, including not doing them at all, but a popular deer-in-the-headlights moment is a couple who hasn’t even thought about giving a thank you speech.
Sharing a heartfelt thank you with all of your guests at some point during the celebration is a really meaningful moment. It doesn’t need to be long or rehearsed, but preparing to say a 1-2 minute thank you for coming, either at the rehearsal or reception, is a touching and memorable gesture that’s easy to plan for.
PLANNING FOR INCLEMENT WEATHER
And last, but certainly not least, preparing for the weather. Hot, cold, snow, rain, sweat – this one is very dependent on your location and time of year, so wherever you are and whatever month it is, be very realistic about the weather constraints that you might encounter, and make solid contingency plans.
And let’s round out today’s show with a honeymoon question:
A couple is feeling really overwhelmed by the so-far cost of their 50 person wedding, and second-guessing their original intention to take a honeymoon to HI.
“We’re afraid if we don’t just do it, we never will, but that additional $7-8K expense right now just isn’t sitting well. Thoughts or alternatives that we’re not thinking of?”
As someone who loves to travel and experience new places, I have lots of thoughts on this:
For a little background on me, here’s my travel style – I will spend pretty much whatever it costs to get somewhere, and then, if necessary, I am 100% fine with keeping the rest of the trip as cheap as possible. This means budget hotels, and keeping food really simple and affordable – street food, grocery stores, etc.
My husband and I have been to Europe many times, including with our kids, and traveled extensively in Canada, Mexico, and all over the US – and I can assure you we would never be able to do all of those trips without some pretty major budgetary guidelines.
Last summer we spent 2 weeks in London and Paris with our kids, and that was a $6000 trip that could easily have been $16,000. But we kept it simple, stayed in a hostile in Paris for $100 a night, ate picnic meals 1-2x a day, casual street food, and didn’t do luxury stuff. I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything. I personally would rather take the trip and have the experience within a tight budget, then not have the experience at all. So that’s where I’m coming from.
With that said – for 2 people to go to Hawaii, I do not think that trip has to cost anywhere near $8000. If you want to do White Lotus on Maui, then yes, that will probably cost double that. But to get to Hawaii, stay in a beautiful place, experience beautiful beaches and weather, you don’t need to spend $8000. Price out flights, an air bnb, and a rental car – hit the grocery store for 2 meals a day, eat casual for dinner, and you can cut that price in half.
So, if you’re no matter what wanting to stay at a resort, eat 3 meals out a day, do spa treatments and swim with turtles and dolphins and take sunset boat rides, then maybe that trip needs to wait. If you’re already feeling stretched by the wedding itself, then tacking on another $8k right now probably isn’t the right move. Just my humble opinion.
And Hawaii is amazing, agree 100%, but there is an entire, beautiful country full of special places to visit and explore. I’m very outdoorsy and have been making a special effort to explore National parks we’ve never been to. I’m not sure where you are located, or what your level of interest is in camping, hiking, mother nature, but that’s always an affordable and unforgettable experience. I’ve never been disappointed by a long weekend at a national park. You don’t have to camp, you can stay at a hotel, unplug, and enjoy a few days together exploring a new place.
Just a couple of my ideas, I hope this is helpful, and I really hope you’ll always feel free to reach out with your wedding questions, thoughts, stories, and requests for upcoming episodes! I’ve got an open door, and you can find me here.