Crafting your wedding guest list is a multi-step process that can come with some frustration and overwhelm. Stressing about who will get an invite? Not to worry.
Today on the Wedding Planning Podcast, we’re going to break down the process for crafting your wedding guest list. I also have lots of your guest list questions to share along the way.
Your Wedding Guest List Step-By-Step includes:
- An outline for getting started with your wedding guest list process,
- Smart Tips and benefits to running an “A List / B List” invitation tier system,
- How to manage non-invited Plus One’s,
- Effective ways to trim your guest list,
- Managing family requests (demands) when it comes to who is invited,
- And so much more!
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Your Wedding Guest List: Getting Started
Making a guest list can feel overwhelming, but breaking it down into steps will help:
- Set Your Budget & Venue Capacity – Decide how many guests you can realistically accommodate based on your budget and venue size.
- Create a Must-Have List – Start with immediate family, closest friends, and VIP guests you absolutely want there.
- Divide & Prioritize – You and your partner should each make a list. Are your lists are outgrowing your venue and/or budgeted funds? Then combine lists with your partner, and rank your guests into tiers:
- Tier 1: Must-invite (family, best friends)
- Tier 2: Would love to have (extended family, close colleagues)
- Tier 3: Nice-to-have (friends you haven’t seen in years, plus-ones)
- Factor in Family Input – If parents or family are contributing financially, they may want a say in the list. Set boundaries early on in the process. Lots more about this later in the show.
- Decide on Plus-Ones & Kids – Will you allow plus-ones for all single guests? Are kids invited? Decide on a consistent rule to avoid awkward situations.
- Trim as Needed – If your list is too big, start cutting from the bottom tiers, evenly on both sides.
- CAREFUL about making assumptions about how many people will RSVP yes. If you have a firm cap of 100 people at your venue, it’s not best practice to send 130 invites under the reasoning that not everyone will come. Sometimes, almost everyone does come. If you can’t get within your range after making cuts to the bottom tier, let’s talk about splitting your invitations into an A list and B list:
Running an A-list and B-list is a great way to manage your guest count efficiently without guessing how many people will attend.
This is a tricky undertaking with potential for missteps and hurt feelings – Here’s how to do it smoothly:
Step 1: Create Your Lists
- A-List: The must-invite guests (family, best friends, VIPs). These are the people you send invites to first. (Likely the top two tiers that we talked about earlier.)
- B-List: People you’d love to invite if space allows (work friends, distant relatives, plus-ones, etc.).
Step 2: Send A-List Invites First
- Send invitations to your A-list early. I like sending these wedding invites about 4 months in advance,
- Set an early RSVP deadline so that you have time to gauge how many spots remain. “Early” is relative to you & your situation and how close you want to cut this. I would suggest setting the A-List RSVP deadline at 2-3 months before your wedding.
Step 3: Quietly Send B-List Invites
- As A-list declines come in, you’re going to quietly send invites to your B-list in small waves (so it doesn’t seem obvious).
- Adjust the RSVP date appropriately.
Your RSVP deadline is already printed on your invitations, but you’re using an A-list and B-list system. Here’s how to handle it smoothly:
Option 1: Adjust the RSVP Date for B-List Guests in the Online RSVP tool
- If you’re using a wedding website or digital RSVP, set a different deadline for your B-list.
- You can personally let them know in their invite:
“We’d love to have you join us! Please RSVP by [new date] so we can finalize details.”
Option 2: Handwrite or Insert a Note for B-List Invites
- Place a small insert card in B-list invitations with a later RSVP deadline (e.g., “Kindly RSVP by [new date]”). You don’t need to have anything reprinted, just make it a nice handwritten note on a slip of paper,
- If you’re handwriting addresses on envelopes, you can also write the adjusted date inside the card.
Option 3: Use Digital Invitations for B-List Guests
- If your A-list guests received formal printed invitations, consider sending B-list invites via email or e-vite with the correct RSVP date. If you’re worried about timing, digital invites can speed up the process.
Option 4: Follow Up Personally
- If a B-list guest RSVP deadline is past the printed date, just reach out casually:
“Hey [Guest’s Name], we’d love to have you at our wedding! If you’re available, please let us know by [new date]!”
✔ Be Subtle – Make sure B-list guests don’t find out they weren’t first-choice (avoid mass social media posts about when invites were sent).
What if someone RSVP’s with a guest plus 1, even though they weren’t invited?
This happens more often than you’d think, and handling it gracefully is key. Here’s how to approach it based on your guest list rules:
1. If You’re Not Allowing Plus-Ones
Beforehand: Clearly state on the invitation that the invite is for one person only (e.g., “We have reserved __ seat(s) in your honor.”).
If They RSVP With a Plus-One Anyway:
- Politely reach out ASAP—call, text, or email.
- Example response:
“We’re so excited to celebrate with you! Due to our venue and budget constraints, we’re unable to accommodate additional guests. We appreciate your understanding and can’t wait to see you!”
3. If You Have Some Wiggle Room
- If you genuinely have space and budget, you can choose to allow it – every situation is unique, do what’s right for you.
Here are some wording options to make your plus-one policy clear on your invitations:
1. If You’re Not Allowing Plus-Ones
📌 Formal:
“We have reserved __ seat(s) in your honor. We look forward to celebrating with you!”
📌 Casual:
“Due to our intimate guest list, we are only able to accommodate those listed on the invitation. Thank you for understanding!”
📌 RSVP Card Example:
✔ Accepts
❌ Regretfully Declines
💡 Note: Your invitation is for one guest only.
2. If Only Certain Guests Get Plus-Ones
📌 Invitation Envelope:
- Write the guest’s name only (e.g., “John Smith” instead of “John Smith & Guest”).
- For those getting a plus-one, specify it (e.g., “John Smith & Jane Doe” or “John Smith & Guest”).
📌 RSVP Card Example:
“We have reserved __ seats in your honor. Kindly RSVP by [date].”
3. If You’re Allowing Plus-Ones for Everyone
📌 Formal:
“We would love for you to bring a guest! Please let us know their name when you RSVP.”
📌 Casual:
“Bring a date or a friend—we’d love to celebrate with both of you!”
Here are a few email responses for different plus-one situations. You can tweak them to fit your style!
1. If a Guest RSVPs With an Uninvited Plus-One (No Plus-Ones Allowed)
Subject: Quick Question About Your RSVP
Hi [Guest’s Name],
We’re so excited to celebrate with you on our big day! We just received your RSVP and noticed you included a plus-one. Unfortunately, due to our venue capacity and budget, we’re only able to accommodate the guests listed on the invitation.
We truly appreciate your understanding and can’t wait to see you on [wedding date]! Let us know if you have any questions.
Best,
[Your Name(s)]
How can we cut down our wedding guest list?
1. Start with Hard Limits
- Venue & Budget: If your venue holds 100, you physically can’t invite 150—use that as a firm cap.
- No Kids Rule: If you’re on the fence, a “no kids” policy can reduce numbers significantly.
- No Plus One’s: We already talked about Plus One at length, enough said.
2. Set Clear Guidelines
-
- No “Obligation Invites” – Just because you were invited to their wedding doesn’t mean you have to return the favor.
- No Plus-Ones for Everyone – Only allow plus-ones for engaged/married guests or those in long-term relationships.
- Limit Work Invites – Do you really need to invite your entire office? Stick to close coworkers only.
- Skip Distant Relatives – If you haven’t spoken to them in years, they probably won’t be hurt by being left off.
- Work with your families to compromise and set fair boundaries about who gets invited. This is an oversimplification, but if your parents are paying for everything with an unlimited budget, then they can invite whoever the heck they want. If you and your partner are paying for everything, then you have also paid for the right to stand firm on your venue and personal budgetary limitations when it comes to your guest list.
3. Cut Based on Interaction
Ask yourself:
✔ Have we spoken to them in the last year?
✔ Would we grab dinner one-on-one with them?
✔ Would we be upset if they couldn’t come?
If the answer is no, cut them!
And one more reminder, use the 3-Tier System
- Tier 1: Must-invites (immediate family, wedding party, lifelong friends)
- Tier 2: Would love to invite (extended family, close colleagues)
- Tier 3: Nice-to-have (distant relatives, acquaintances, work friends)
🚨 Cut from Tier 3 first, then work up as needed.
IMPORTANT WEDDING GUEST LIST REMINDER
- Before making a guest list, you need to have a venue and budget in place. Please don’t gloss over those steps. You might think the all-inclusive venue that your coworker’s sister used is available for 100 people at $150 each, but the reality may be very different. We live in an age of constant change and crazy price inflation. Businesses change their guidelines, pricing, and policies all the time. If that venue now charges $200 for the same package and you’ve gone ahead with your assumption that you can invite 100 people and be on budget, nope, you’re now $50 x 100 people, that’s $5000 over budget. At the beginning of your engagement, the planning sequence matters – budget, venue, guest list.
How to handle parents who are not paying for the wedding, but want certain family members invited?
Here’s how to handle it with respect and firm boundaries:
1. Set the Expectation Early
- Be upfront that you and your partner are making the guest list since you’re paying for the wedding.
- Example:
“We love that you want to celebrate with family, but we have a set guest count we need to stick to. We’ll do our best, but we won’t be able to invite everyone.”
2. Offer a Compromise (If You Have Space)
- Give each parent a limited number of spots (e.g., “We can set aside 5 invitations for your side—who are your top priorities?”).
- If they suggest people you don’t know or aren’t close to, say:
“We’re keeping the wedding intimate, so we’re prioritizing people we have a strong relationship with.”
3. If You Have to Say No
- Be polite but firm:
“We totally understand why you’d love to include them, but unfortunately, we have to keep our numbers within our budget. We hope you understand!” - If they push back, gently remind them:
“We’re paying for the wedding ourselves, and we need to stick to our plan. We hope you’ll support us in that.”
4. Suggest an Alternative
- You can also offer a different way to celebrate:
Post-wedding gathering: your parents could plan a casual celebration for extended family after the wedding - Livestream the ceremony: “We’re considering a livestream for family who can’t attend.”
What if there is a really big family on one side, and a small family on the other – is it weird if our wedding guest list is “lopsided”?
Not at all! It’s completely normal for one side to have more guests than the other, especially when one partner comes from a big family and the other has a smaller one. What matters most is that your guest list reflects the people you both want to celebrate with.
Questions about today’s show, your own wedding plans, or requests for upcoming show topics? Be in touch!